New Scientific Breakthrough – Love is the Cause of Global Warming!

Now I know what you are saying, how could the scientists possibly prove that love was causing global warming?  Well, a group of Ph.D’s in East Anglia U.K. said they proved it was carbon dioxide that was causing global temperatures to rise and now we are finding out, ehhhhhh... maybe not.  If they can prove a gas that comprises 0.039% (0.00039) of the atmosphere could actually be causing worldwide temperatures to rise, then if you offer them enough money for research grants I bet they can prove love is the cause.

Think about it… The world is just chock full of love these days.  Let’s just look at Washington D.C. and politics as more love is being created there than anywhere else.  Everyone in Washington D.C. just cannot stop talking about their love interest.

President Obama must be in love with former President George Bush.  Obama talks about George almost every single time he plays with his favorite toy; his teleprompter.  Obama is also constantly giving George credit for every single thing that has happened in the United States and abroad for decades now.  It is a good thing these two are not in the military as then the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ rules might come into play.  I do feel a little sorry for Obama though as George does not mention him.  I just hope no one gets hurt.

Just yesterday George Soros proclaimed his love for the Tea Party movement.  Georgie-boy has just dumped a bunch of the money he earned trying to collapse the British economy into a website devoted to taking pictures and recording the Tea Party here in the United States.  Now Georgie is not even an American citizen, so for him to spend all this money just to make sure he knows everything he can about someone in such an invasive manner… it just has to be love.  This most assuredly is being done in order to record the early years so he can look back in the future at his love interest.

The Republican and the Democrats just absolutely love each other.  These two groups just cannot get enough of each other.  You know how if you have a thing for someone at school or work you just keep coming up with reasons to see them?  Both the Republicans and the Democrats love each other so much that whenever they try to decide on a way to run the country, they spend as much time talking to each other as humanly possible.  They have this thing called a ‘filibuster’ and after decades of watching D.C., I think it is more amply summed up by the word ‘foreplay.’ 

These two groups spent an entire year talking about our healthcare.  They spent hundreds of thousands of man hours talking about our well being.  What could be more loving than that?  Instead of spending all that time creating annoying jobs for us to go to, where we might even get hurt, our loving politician-parents were more worried about our health.  I am so touched.

The Democrats and Republicans see each other late into the night and have dinners regularly which are funded by the taxpayers of course.  Why should we not pay for their dates? We are, after all, the beneficiaries of all this courting. These loving politicians are always talking about each other to other people – most notably reporters.  It seems their love is so totally consuming they no longer talk about themselves, as self promoting politicians used to have a habit of doing, and all they can seem to focus on is each other’s characteristics.  Now how selfless is that?

Looking at the rest of the United States you can see just how horrible this recession is for the environment.  Now, everyone gets to stay home all day with plenty of free time to read about the great love story unfolding in Washington D.C.  Spouses have much more time to love each other as they are no longer bothered with that silly work thing.  College graduates are no longer moving out from the loving company of Mom and Dad as no one is hiring them.  High school kids, the group currently with one of the highest unemployment rates of all time, get to see their unemployed older siblings and no one has anything to do but love each other and wait for the power to be shut off.  If all this keeps up, temperatures are going to soar!

“Can’t Get Enough of Your Love” by Barry White could possibly replace “Hail to The Chief” in D.C. as these wonderful, gracious loving politicians have all made our lives so much better and more loving.  We must be very careful though, temperatures are rising.

And do not even get me started on the love that is coming out of the Middle East…

 

Monday, September 2, 2010 - 4:07 p.m.